Confessions of a Lazy Writer

Yes, I know that you're surprised to see a post from me...Before I continue, I have to say this...forgive me followers, for it's been almost two months since my last post.  To any Catholics reading this, I by no means intend to trivialize the ritual of Confession.

See, one thing I didn't reveal in my last post was that I discovered, and thoroughly enjoyed, Texas Hold'em Poker while I was home in Newfoundland in January. Since then, every time I pick up the laptop to work on my novel, my fingers are drawn by a cruel, powerful force to the PokerStars icon on my desktop. I'm currently at a difficult place in my novel...and instead of doing the research I need to do, and the untangling of the complicated plot, well...I've been letting poker distract me and consume my time.  Bottom line...I'm being a lazy writer, and letting dreams of becoming the next Loose Cannon on "PokerStars.net: The Big Game" TV show fill my head. I even deleted the program from my computer last week, but that taunting, miserable force got the best of me again and I, well...loaded it once again. [she huffs, and hangs her head in exasperation.]

Right now, today, I feel I am at a crossroads.  I have a decision to make.  Poker player or novelist. Don't tell me to weigh the pros and cons, because anyone who is a serious writer knows that there are innumerable cons to writing: excessive amount of time spent outlining, researching, writing, editing, re-writing, blogging, following other's blogs, writing groups, critiquing, reading, editing again, re-writing again - and all of this is done at the expense of family and friends. AND, there are no guarantees that my dream of becoming a published author will happen; I'd have to get damn lucky.

Poker, on the other hand, I believe has more pros than cons: you can socialize with friends and family while playing poker with them (a big pro): there is no monetary cost to me to have a shot at becoming a pro - I can earn a spot at pro tournaments by winning "freeroll" tournaments online where my expenses and buy-ins are included; poker pros earn and are worth millions of dollars; it's really fun: and if I ever do become lucky enough to make it big, I decide when and where I want to play.  No deadlines or pushy agents and publishers.

But, we all know what I'm going to decide, don't we, because you are writers, too?  Writing is my first love.  I've married and divorced this love many times, and no matter now many times I neglect the relationship, I am always welcome back.  It makes me high when people say they love my work (yes, I'm a little bit of a narcissist). And even though I won't be worth millions if and when it's is published, my work is priceless to me. I guard and protect it an fierce maternal manner. You know what I mean.  So, here we go again.  I'm going to say it once more...I'm back.