It seems like an eternity since I've blogged...four months, really, but much has happened in those months. Just as I was getting into the swing of all things "writing", my family's life had a wrench thrown into it in early September which brought my writing momentum to a screeching halt. Followers of my blog know that it was then that my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and that it was then that I decided to stop literally writing fiction to concentrate on figuratively "righting" non-fiction.
To anyone who's experienced a formidable opponent such as pancreatic cancer in someone's life, than they would also know that time is of the essence. Not knowing which day would be the last with my mother, I was inexplicably able to dispose of decades of garbage that seemed to attach itself to our relationship each time we got together in our lives. I will even admit to wishing that there were times in our volatile - yet functional - relationship that she would just drop off the face of the earth. Yet, once we had received this news, even if I had tried my best, I would not have been able to find those familiar, snarky feelings. I very quickly realized that I loved this woman so very deeply just millimeters under the crusty tough skin I'd worked so hard to develop for all of those years; skin that had softened into a newborn baby's.
All it took to "right" those years of wrong was one simple line..."I love you more than you could ever know, Mom, and I will be here holding your hand as you write the final chapter of your life."
I was holding Mom's hand as the last flicker of light left her eyes. She passed away yesterday, Christmas morning, and the age of 63. My Christmas mourning was filled with great sadness, but also great joy, knowing that there was no question in my Mother's mind that she was able to die a very loved woman.
It's time to move onto the next chapter in my life. I'm writing...starting right here. And I will write tomorrow, and everyday after that. I've learned through all of this that I will also spend each and every day righting, as well. My relationship with my mother was one of many special relationships I have with people. I will never have an excuse to not "right" with so much inspiration to pull from around me. Thank you for your patience and understanding during the last four months. I appreciate it....
Kelly
6 comments:
Oh I am so so so sorry to hear of your mum's passing. I am truly sorry. Please accept my deepest and most sincerest condolences for you and your family. Please take care
x
"My mother's faults will lay on the shore of the sea, forever, to be erased, and her virtues I will inscribe on the tablets of my heart"
Kitty, thank you for your kind words. I'm slowly coming to life again...the numbness is wearing off. And Brenda, did you write that? It sounds like it could be from Psalms or Proverbs. Lovely. Thank you.
Oh, Kelly -- I am so sorry to hear about your mother's passing. I am happy that you were there holding her hand, though. She left this world with love and knowing that she was leaving a trail of love as she left. May you find peace and happiness in your memories. Take care.
My sister hadn't spoken to my Mom for a year before her passing.Our Mom died of brain aneurysm,unexpected and sudden. My sister took her death exceptionally hard,as there was grief as well as the guilt. I reminded her how overbearing Mom could be.... and that I had called Mark a "whinner" three days before his prognosis. I think a relationship between a mother and daughter is probably one of the most complicated, but I think as a mother you are the only one that would actually give up your life for your child.
Brenda, thanks for sharing that story and insight with me. And I agree...my mother would have laid down her life in a flash for her children and grandchildren.
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