The day my son was born, I remember thinking how relieved I was to finally meet the little human I'd been nurturing for nine months, and that he looked nothing like I'd imagined...he was cute, all right, but he had a look to his face that I was strangely attracted to like I'd never been before. Once he was warm and comfortable in my arms, he looked up into my eyes and there was a familiarity and closeness I'd never experienced - the deepest connection I've ever had with another face. I knew in an instant that this face had the ability to change my life; to make me selfless and committed to serving his every need; so much so that I would lay my life down in a nanosecond for him. I knew in that same instant - by the way he looked into my eyes - that he needed me and depended on me to always be there for him. It was very intimate.
There are too many times to mention of the intimate times with my husband. We all know the typical intimate moments, but sometimes there are others that can match or transcend those times. I met my husband at the funeral home where we were both directors. Our first date was the annual Christmas Party. I had previously been in a marriage and involved in a church life that frowned upon dancing. Now being out of that environment, I expressed to Brad one day how nice it would be if there was dancing at the party, but he said there wouldn't be - it was just a dinner at a restaurant. He picked me up from my place and said he had to stop by the funeral home on the way to the dinner to make sure he had set the alarm properly. He left me in the car for a few minutes longer than I thought he would, but when he returned, he told me he was having a problem with the alarm and asked if I could probably give it a try. I followed him into the main foyer and noticed there was music coming from the chapel. Brad opened the chapel doors where there were candles lit and beautiful music playing. We had our first dance. As he held me in his arms, and turned my chin towards him to kiss me, my eyes welled with tears. I placed my head against his chest as we moved slowly to the music. I was so touched by this gesture, that I knew without a doubt that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this thoughtful, loving man. I'm in the process of doing just that.
I'm sorry this is such a long post, but I have to tell you about one other memorable moment of intimacy. My mother was in hospice, and after much convincing from my family and her caretakers, my family and I decided to take a break for five days for a family vacation. I had said "good-bye" numerous times during that last month, so if anything should have happened to her while I was gone, we had both said what we needed to say. She hung on however, until we returned. We were called into the hospice just hours after we returned home on Christmas Eve evening. My husband and I ran to be by her side. I pulled up a chair next to her bed and held her hand. Her breathing was very labored, but she was conscious and aware of my presence next to her. I swallowed my fear and my tears as I held her hand next to my heart. Her eyes were locked onto mine, and they told me she was afraid. I smiled and whispered that I would go with her as far as I could, and that she had nothing to be afraid of...that there was peace and love waiting for her. I've never felt so close and connected to her. Her eyes held onto mine until the light started to leave them. I'm assured that she felt my love and presence at those intimate moments, and that she "let go" feeling assured that I was right by her side. She passed away in the early morning hours of Christmas Day.
Intimacy takes many forms...it's my favorite experience. I only hope I'm able to capture and present those feelings in my writing in such a way that my readers can experience them as well.